Belief
by Nimelloth
Summary: After her siblings death, Susan is left behind alone. She hardly tries to remember Narnia and thinks about her future in our world - if there even is one.
1. Belief

_Believe_

Susan sat lonely inside her small apartment. She rented the rooms in that the professor lived before, so she felt nearer to her siblings.

Many moving boxes stood around her, filled with the property of them. She had through-looked all the boxes crying, to find something that remembered her of them and made her even sadder.

Right in front of Susan stood a opened Box and the things, that have been inside, laid around her. In her hands, she hold a little book. Tears dropped at the fine-written words.

I guess Susan completely lost her belief now. As soon as we start talking about Narnia, she's laughing at us, how we could be so childish and keep believing in this game. How could she forget Narnia? How could she forget Aslan? She may hasn't been in Narnia as long as I have, but just as long as Peter, and he didn't give up yet.

But how can Aslan allow that? He can't just let her forget everything, can't he affect her to remember?

Of course, she's been the first to come along living in England again. But she was happy to come back either, or wasn't she?

You could have thought that she would always thinks of Narnia, or at least of Caspian.

Susan stopped believing in the moment that Eustace told us he died. By then she just didn't want to believe any longer. That's how I explain it to me. And I hope I'm wrong and she didn't give up yet as well.

Lucy

Not the point, that this has been the last entry Lucy wrote and not the point, that it was only about her, no, the point, that despair was in every word and that everything she wrote was true, was what made Susan that sad.

She read the entry many times, again and again, and she always stumbled over the same words. Narnia. Aslan. Caspian...

Susan tried to remember, but she didn't see any picture, any face. Nothing that could make her believe again.

If she could feel the gorgeous wind in her hair once again, if she could just look at the golden mane one last time.

If she could see his adorable smile again.

She stood up desperate and searched something in the other boxes, something that would remind her of Narnia.

But she didn't find anything.

Just more sadness, good memoirs, that she never again would share with her beloved siblings.

She found some unimportant things either.

There was a shirt of Peter, still smelling like him,

an old book of Edmund,

some paintings of Lucy.

But nothing at all of Narnia.

But in the end she found it, as if it would have waited for her all the time.

A golden pawn, a horse of pure gold.

"_I wonder who lived here once." Lucy said and turned around._

_Suddenly something on the floor hit Susan's foot. She bended and lifted it._

"_I thinks it's been us."_

_Lucy walked towards her and watched the thing Susan held in her hand._

_Then Peter and Edmund came, too._

"_Hey, that's mine! It belongs to my chessboard." Edmund said and took the pawn._

"_Which chessboard?" Peter asked._

"_I guess I won't have had a chessboard of gold in Finchley." Edmund replied and showed Peter the pawn before he took it into his pocket._

_It stayed there the whole time._

And suddenly Susan was overwhelmed by things that remembered her of Narnia.

Was Lucy's little lion laying next to her for long?

Didn't the paintings show fauns all the time? And dwarfs, and centaurs?

Hasn't the last picture she had of Caspian always been in her head?

Susan's eyes sparkled in the shine of the flames and she just stared inside the fire for a time, without thinking or noticing anything.

After all, her eyes just closed and she fell asleep.


	2. and everything will be fine

Suddenly everything around Susan was different.

The couch wasn't soft any more and no pillow was under her head.

She didn't feel the warmth of the fire.

Under her, it was wet and cold.

Shocked, she opened her eyes.

And was shocked again.

There was no chimney.

No boxes.

No walls.

No apartment.

Nothing.

But, there was something.

Trees.

Grass.

Bushes.

Earth.

Noise.

Life.

Carefully Susan stood up and tried not to blink.

Would everything be gone if she closed her eyes?

If she just looked somewhere else for a moment?

If she turned,

would there still be a forest?

Still bushes?

Grass?

Earth?

Noise?

Life?

Or just furniture?

Boxes?

Pillows?

Walls?

Mourning?

Desperation?

Susan made one step after the other carious, expecting to hit a box soon.

A wall.

The chimney.

Anything.

Something, she couldn't see.

Not by now.

But anyway she hurried to move forward.

She wanted to reach something familiar.

A palace.

A ocean.

A mountain range.

A street lamp.

Someone familiar.

Peter.

Edmund.

Lucy.

Kaspian.

Aslan.

Or someone else.

Someone, she shouln't meet.

Someone, she wanted to meet badly.

Then everything appeared, familiar things.

First the street lamp.

Then the mountain range.

Then the ocean.

Then the castle.

And eventually the palace.

And following familiar persons.

Aslan.

Lucy.

Edmund.

Peter.

Kaspian.

Finally.

Now Susan just ran.

The cold wind made her cry.

The sun dried them right away.

More and more tears.

Tears of joy.

She blinked.

And everything disappeared.

No Aslan,

no Lucy,

no Edmund,

no Peter,

no Kaspian.

And no palace,

no castle,

no ocean,

no mountain range,

no street lamp.

Just a room.

Boxes.

Pillows.

Walls.

Mourning.

Loneliness.

Just sparkles in the chimney.

The fire was gone.

But hope was not.

Until now.

Now, hope was gone either.

Completely.

For ever?


End file.
